For those that know me, you may know that I highly value authenticity, almost to a fault. I value it in others and I strive for it within myself. I am terrible at hiding my thoughts and emotions, regardless of the times I have wished I could just push through the negative, slap on a smile, and deal with it later. What you see is what you get, good or bad. I can say that I know who I am because I know whose I am (although I am still working on getting better at the smiling through the pain things because hey, sometimes you need to do it).
When it comes to my walk with Jesus especially, I believe authenticity is an incredibly important value. It is one of the things that allows me to be as vulnerable as I am. Especially as someone who serves at church and leads worship, I want to mean what I say and live out what I sing on the stage and on Sunday mornings. The Lord has often convicted my heart in songs and conversations with friends that the words coming out of my mouth have to go to my heart too. The words I preach and the advice I give claimed to be in the name of Jesus has to have a foundation in my own heart.
I do not hold to authenticity as a core value just because I like the sound of it or because it feels like the Christian thing to do. I think it is easy to spot those that do, for their life is often not an honest one and yet, they can be some of the biggest preachers of it. For one thing, I believe that authenticity holds hands with truth at its very core. To me, they are practically the same value, just different words. For another, I have tried out the other way — the life in which I was the master of “I’m fine” when I it was so obvious I was drowning. A life in which my words and actions were not aligning, sometimes intentionally and sometimes just because I had lost myself and how can you be true to yourself when you can’t find yourself?
But, God is good and faithful. Healing is so real. I no longer say I am “fine” and stuff it away. If I don’t feel like going there when a friend asks how I am, I give the honest answer but I follow it by saying I’m not in a space to talk about it. I believe there is such a fullness that God has for us when we give ourselves the permission to be honest within our own hearts. We give ourselves the freedom to feel, others the freedom to be there for us, and ultimately, we give ourselves the freedom to heal. When you allow yourself to actually be honest and feel the things, then it’s a lot easier to let them go and start moving forward.
This morning in my quiet time I ran across a verse that made me stop in my tracks. I know that I have read it plenty of times before, as part of my own Bible study for the last 4 years has been to read at least one chapter of the book of Psalm along with whatever else I am currently studying. Having walked through some really hard and isolating seasons, this book has been one of my greatest friends. I have been reminded that it is okay to feel pain and anger, sadness and loneliness — but I have also been reminded that my feelings and circumstances will never change the character or consistency of God.
Psalm 145: 1-2 says, “I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.”
If you are wondering how the heck this verse relates to being authentic and honest. I’ll get there, I promise.
First, go back and read this verse slowly, soaking up every word. I think this is one of those verses that is really easy for us to just breeze past. We read it and think, “I mean, I love God so obviously I am going to praise Him every day. Why would I not praise Him forever?” Well, think about it. Do you praise God every single day? Sure, on the days that you see Him working. Maybe on the good days when everything goes your way, if you think about it.
But what about the bad days? What about the day you get the phone call that changes everything? What about the day you don’t get that job or promotion you financially needed? What about the day your life turns upside down by no choice of your own? Or the day that the person you thought was your forever just up and leaves but you don’t really know why?
What is your automatic response on those days? The days you don’t see God in your face doing big things? Because when you say ‘every day’ or ‘forever,’ are those hard days not also included?
What I really love about this specific chapter is that it is written by David. When God gripped my heart this morning, the fact that David wrote these words stood out to me almost as much as the words themselves. Why? Because I believe that David meant them. For one thing, David made these statements of praise throughout the book of Psalm all the time. Yet, we also know that David had a lot of bad days. David knew he was meant to be king of Israel while he was living in a cave because Saul was trying to kill him. If that were me I don’t know what my gut reaction would be but I don’t know that I would be talking about praising God all the time. I think I might be questioning the sanity of the prophet that anointed me to be king and wondering why God was up chilling comfy in heaven when my life seemed to constantly be in danger.
Tying this back into authenticity, I believe that David was called a man after God’s own heart because his heart was purely, truthfully, and authentically pursuing God every day regardless of the circumstances surrounding him. David lived a life that showed us when he said he would praise God ‘every day,’ he really meant that. Not to say that David was a perfect man. We know that he wasn’t. But God does not call us to seek Him perfectly. We are to seek Him purely and honestly. It always goes back to our hearts. The Pharisees sure thought they were perfect but the Bible shows us throughout the Gospels that their hearts were desperately deceived.
So what about us? When we see these types of bold statements in the Bible or sing them in our worship sets on Sunday morning, do we mean them? If we are going to be people that are aiming to live the full, authentic life God has for us, we have to be honest with ourselves. We have to mean the words that come out of our mouths, especially when we are making bold statements to God.
And let me say this. When you read Psalm, you know that David had some real and deep emotion. Praising God regardless of what the day brings does not negate the fact that sometimes days and seasons are hard and painful. But it does mean that your focus is not on the pain. It means your focus is on the one who is good and the one who is the Healer. Because like I said, it is not about being perfect. When we focus on Jesus in all things, our hearts realign with his truth, not our own.
I will be first to say that I am still practicing this discipline, because that is very much what this is. When my dad first died, I can promise you my first thoughts had nothing to do with praising God. And that doesn’t mean that God loves me any less. He knew the pain of my heart. But that also does not mean that He isn’t calling me deeper into a relationship with Him that continuously purifies my heart so that now, I can begin to practice praising God even when the pain of loss rears its head.
So my question to you, dear one, is this: what is the response of your heart? Do you take stock in your words? Do your actions align with what you say you believe? Do you quickly read over these bold statements of the Bible, assured that you will praise God every day without putting it into practice as a real discipline?
My prayer is that as you read this, you allow for the Lord to softly speak into your heart and not let this be a place where shame tries to speak lies over you. Like I said, this is a discipline we have to practice, and as with all disciplines, they take time and grace to truly develop. Let God speak to your heart on what authentic living looks like in your life. Let Him show you what a heart soften to praise Him through all things looks like. Because living full and free, the way that God intended, intently focused on Him, is so, so worth it, whatever the cost.
Maggie Tyler
Deep Diving 